How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
