They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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