Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
