Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize