I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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