Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
