I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
