ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
