You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That accounts for only three of the penises
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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