when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
