Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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