Screwed.edu
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
