Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
