I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
