take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
