Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
