i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
