i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
