I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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