if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need moral support for this bender
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
