Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she smelled like a LAN party
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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