It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
