Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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