Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
