but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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