I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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