I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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