That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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