If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
