best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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