I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
