You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
