I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is wine microwaveable?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
