called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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