do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
