On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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