dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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