I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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