Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
