Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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