I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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