Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
