worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
