my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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