I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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