I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
