My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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