i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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