so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
