somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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