Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
