"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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