My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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