Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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