god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
