I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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