yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i barfeds in our rink
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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