god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
