my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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