the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
