guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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