Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
