so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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