guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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