She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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