I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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