So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
