I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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