She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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