Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Randomize
Follow @tfln