i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What a dumb baby whore.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?