and she was petting her beer can
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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