Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.