I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
