Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
