she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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