he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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