When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
