is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need to align my fucking chakras
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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